


Alive

by Charlieexo



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), SPECTRE (2015), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-05-28 10:37:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6325696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlieexo/pseuds/Charlieexo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Violet Ainsworth has been in captivity in Syria for over 4 years after a mission to extract British nationals from a hostage situation. The world Violet knew before her captivity is gone, along with the MI6 that she left behind. There are now new threats and a new boss to comes to terms with and Violet doesn't know how she's going to fit into this new world order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go

No-one had ever taken it upon themselves to explain to Violet Ainsworth exactly what 4 years away from civilisation would do to her. It was the big elephant in the room back at 6. No-one spoke about it because it wasn’t meant to happen. Getting caught during a mission didn’t have much literature on it because it was your job to judge how not to get caught. And yet here Violet was, 4 years later, sat in the same cell, listening to the same noises, barely eating the same food and fearing for the exact same things she had that very first week in 2012. 

Violet cursed every time she had taken her life in England for granted. She missed the smell of fresh cut grass, the sound of rain hitting her window at night, the small pleasures of baking or reading – she even missed rush hour on the tube. She missed her friends, her work colleagues, her family. She missed being able to turn on the TV and see what was happening throughout the world. She missed her freedom. 

Violet had been compromised during a mission to extract three British journalists that had been taken hostage in Syria in early 2012. She and her mission partner had managed to get the three journalists to safety but somehow, and to this day Violet still couldn’t piece together how it happened, she had been caught. Dragged away from her partner who could only watch and run as she was dragged by her captors back into the small cell she had just freed a middle-aged woman with two kids and a husband from. 

For 4 years Violet had endured the same routine every day. Woken up by banging and shouting at her cell door, ordered into an interrogation room where she was beaten at the very best, fed a miniscule amount of food, interrogated once more before being pushed back into her cell for the rest of the day. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt the sun on her skin, or the wind through her hair. Somewhere along the 4 years of this routine she had all but shut herself down, almost forgetting what life outside of her cell was like, apart from the moments just before she fell asleep, where it was silent and she could actually gather her thoughts. At first when she thought back, of her family and summer BBQs in the garden of her family home, and of walks through London streets just after it had finished raining, she would cry, but gradually they became less of memories of what life had been like, and had become thoughts of what she would do if she were to ever make it out of here alive, and that just made her smile. 

As can be expected, Violet had lost all concept of time whilst being locked up. She didn’t know what day it was, she had lost count of what year it was, but it was obvious that this morning, something was different. She had been woken up in exactly the same manner that she had been since she arrived, but no-one had come to drag her to the interrogation cell like usual. Violet sat on the edge of the bed and played with her finger nails until finally one of the men came into her cell, grabbed hold of her wrist and turned her around. She felt him tie her hands together with rope behind her back and then put a cloth bag over her head which completely blocked everything from her view. 

Violet felt her breathing speed up as she was pushed forward slowly. She had seen this happen in so many films, the hostage, taken out into a courtyard and shot. It had happened to her multiple times, mock executions in order to try and get her to talk. In the back of her mind she wondered, what if it wasn’t mock this time? What if her captors had finally grown tired of her not speaking? It was entirely possible that even a 00-agent from MI6 could run out of uses. She had been there for 4 years, it was obvious she wasn’t going to talk, no matter how hard they pushed her or tortured her, and it was becoming increasingly obvious, not just to her captors, but to Violet as well, that MI6 might just abandon her altogether. 

Violet’s nervousness wasn’t helped at all when instead of pulling off the hood and shooting her, her captors pushed her into what she could only imagine was a car. Someone slammed the door shut behind her and it was a few moments before someone got into the car with her and began driving. Violet focused in on her breathing and tried to calm herself down as the car speeded to wherever it was going. Violet didn’t even want to think about what would be waiting for her once she was forced out of the car on the other side. 

She couldn’t tell how long the car had been driving for before it stopped abruptly, causing Violet to hit her head on the set in front of her, which in turn caused her panic to set in once again. She heard the driver get out of the car and a few seconds later felt herself being dragged from the car and pushed forward before a hand pulled her back and stopped her. 

All of a sudden, the cloth hood was pulled from her head and the bright sun blinded Violet for a few moments. Violet took a few moments to squint her eyes and blink them back to focus before her breath caught in her throat. In front of her was a black car that’s engine was still running. She looked behind her at one of her captors who simply nodded towards the car with a stern look on his face. 

Violet tentively took steps towards the car, speeding up when she realised the man behind her wasn’t going to shoot her. As she neared the car, the driver’s door opened and a man got out to open her door for her. She scooted into the car and breathed a sigh of relief when she realised she had made it this far away from the people that had kept her captive for these past four years. As the car began driving away through the desert. Violet couldn’t speak to the man that was driving, there was a divide between the two of them but she had an inkling that finally she was on the way home, but she wouldn’t dare get her hopes up until she knew exactly where she was going. 

Once again, Violet couldn’t really tell exactly how long she had been in the car, but soon enough the car pulled up into a small airfield that had a small plane sitting on the runway. The driver helped her from the car and untied the rope around her wrist before leading her to the steps of the plane. Almost mechanically Violet walked up the steps and into the plane. A dark-skinned woman showed her to one of four seats in the small plane and told her to fasten her seatbelt and make herself comfortable. 

Violet rubbed at the marks on her wrists from the rope and then realised all of a sudden that most of her body was screaming in pain. She hadn’t let herself feel pain from very early on in her captivity, but now, as she finally felt herself relax, she realised that 4 years of constant beatings and what could only be described as torture had taken its toll on her body and she was in pain. 

The woman who had shown Violet to her seat came round with a glass of water once the plane had taken off but Violet only managed to take a few sips before exhaustion took over and she fell into a sleep that could only be described as close to comatose. 

Violet was woken by the same woman as before who asked if she wanted anymore of the water from earlier. Violet gratefully took it and finished half the glass before handing it back to the woman. She looked out of the window of the plane and almost cried from relief. Below her she could see the familiar curve of the Thames River and the lights of her favourite city. She was coming home. 

Within minutes the plane had landed in another small airfield just outside of London and the woman led her from her seat to the door of the plane, with a small smile. Violet struggled down the stairs, each step revealing a new place on her body that screamed with pain. It was dark but as Violet reached the bottom of the steps she couldn’t mistake the body that was standing in front of the car that was waiting for her.  
Tanner. 

Violet’s smile returned before tears began forming in her eyes and clouding her vision. She couldn’t move at all, which Tanner must has realised because he walked towards her. He arrived in front of her just in time to catch her as her knees gave way beneath her. She wrapped her arms around the familiar person in front of her, finally realising that she was out of her hell. That no more torture was in store for her. She was home. 

*** 

The phone began ringing in Gareth Mallory’s office just as he was putting on his coat to leave the office. He looked at his watch and realising it was just gone 8pm, he picked up the phone instead of leaving it to ring. 

“Yes?” He answered, itching to get home. 

“Sir, it’s Tanner,” The voice on the end of the phone spoke, suddenly Mallory remembered the mission he had allowed to go ahead and immediately felt butterflies rise in his stomach, “It all went smoothly, she’s currently on-route to the hospital.” 

“Excellent, you can brief me properly tomorrow,” Mallory spoke, “Good work Tanner.”


	2. Taught to Cry into your Pillow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very much longer than anticipated! Hopefully it's not too boring for you all!

Violet’s hearing came to her before she could even consider opening her eyes. She laid still listening to the methodical beeping of whatever machine it was making the noise, quite happy with the stillness and the quietness of the room she was in. From the sound and the slight smell, Violet assumed she was in hospital. After she had fallen into Tanner at the airfield everything was blank to her – whether she had shut it out of her memory or whether she had passed out she didn’t know. 

She opened her eyes slowly and was grateful that the curtains of the room were still closed and there was only a small lamp on in the corner of the room, saved her from being blinded by the harsh white lights that she was familiar with when it came to hospitals. The room around her was bare, save for a large vase of flowers on one of the surfaces away from her bed. She wondered if her family knew she was here and then wondered if she had any family left. 4 years was a long time and anything could have happened in those years of her captivity. Her parents weren’t young, so there was the entire possibility that they wouldn’t be around for her anymore, and the other members of her family – cousins and aunts – they were all young, so maybe they had moved away, onto better things. Then she realised that actually, most of them probably didn’t even know she had been in captivity. Her parents were the only people who knew where she worked, for obvious reasons, the very few family events she had missed her parents probably came up with a convincing ruse for her absence. 

Violet decided to leave those thoughts where they were before her mind started working over-time, instead opting to close her eyes again and try and get more sleep. She was convinced that within a very short amount of time, this room would no longer be the peaceful haven that it was. People from 6 would want to talk to her, her family (if she had any left) would want to visit and no doubt countless medical professionals would want to poke and prod at her. 

*** 

Mallory ran his hands over his face before checking his watch, watching the second hand hit the twelve. As if like clockwork, Tanner walked into his office, arms laden with files. Always punctual was Tanner and although Mallory couldn’t fault that, it irritated him that he was always on time to the second. 

“Morning sir,” Tanner spoke, dumping the files down on the desk, “This is everything with have regarding 005,” Gareth lifted a few of the files up before putting them in a tidy pile, “Archives loved me this morning, most of this stuff was dead and buried in the back, convinced she wouldn’t ever make it back.” 

“Well, them and most others by the sounds of it,” Mallory spoke, “How is she doing?” 

“I haven’t heard, Sir,” Tanner replied, taking a seat, “But she was out cold as soon as she hit the ground last night.” 

Mallory could understand that. When he had finally been released by the IRA he had slept for hours, although he had only endured a few months in captivity, where this poor girl had spent four years, “Well who can blame her.” He added. 

“So what’s the plan then?” Tanner asked. 

“There really isn’t one at this point in time,” Mallory sighed, “She’ll need to be debriefed, caught up on the world and re-evaluated before we can do anything, and with this new merger with MI5 who knows how long that alone will take, and that’s if she even wants to come back to us.” 

“It might be an idea to go and visit her sir,” Tanner said, “She left this place knowing Olivia, she was gone before Silva, she’ll have no idea what’s going on.” 

Mallory had to admit he was probably right and it would get him out of his office if nothing else, “Very well,” He nodded, “Get Miss Moneypenny to find out when her family have visited and we’ll go after that.” 

“Will do sir,” Tanner spoke, standing from his chair, “I would probably recommend reading some of that as well, it has the potential to become quite complicated, very quickly, if we’re not careful.” 

Mallory gave a forced smile as Tanner left his office. He absent-mindedly picked up the first file in the pile that Tanner had brought up but seeing the words swimming in front of him he decided against reading through any of it. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what didn’t feel right, but there was a feeling in the back of his mind. He decided that he would leave the files until after he’d met the girl. He didn’t want to go in with heaps of information on the poor girl. 

*** 

Violet’s mother and father had never been the types to fuss over her, yet the pair wouldn’t leave her alone from the moment they had stepped into the room. Her mother had scooped her up and hugged her tightly regardless of the gasps of pain that came from Violet’s lips. Her father hadn’t said a word but hadn’t let go of her hand from the moment he’d sat down in the chair next to her bed. For a long while the room was silent, save from the beeping monitors, until Violet’s mother spoke. 

“What did they do to you?” The quiet voice said from beside Violet. She turned her head slowly to avoid the pain shooting through her and noticed her mother was crying softly.  
“Nothing mama,” Violet sighed, offering her hand to her mother, “They just didn’t feed me very well and the bed wasn’t exactly from The Ritz.” She couldn’t bring herself to tell her mother what her captors had done to her, she knew it would break her. She couldn’t look at her mother crying – they had always been a family that were very closed with their emotions, so Violet turned her head to her father, who looked at her with a knowing look. 

Visiting hours finished faster than Violet’s parents would have liked. Four years without their daughter and an hour and a half didn’t seem all that long, but Violet was glad when they kissed her forehead and left, telling her they would come back tomorrow. 

*** 

Mallory and Tanner followed closely behind the nurse who was leading them to Violet’s room. It was about 8pm in the evening and all Mallory really wanted to go was go home and go to bed, but Tanner was insistent that they go and speak to Violet that evening. Something about making sure she didn’t feel abandoned by her colleagues. Mallory had suggested that Tanner go alone – they weren’t going to fill her in on anything classified or important just yet, it was a case of filling her in on the state of the world and the more public issues that MI6 had struggled with – but Tanner had said that Violet would probably react a lot better to a new boss if the two met outside of the confines of MI6. Hence why Mallory was stood outside her hospital door with a bar of dairy milk chocolate in his pocket. Tanner had insisted he take it – it had been Violet’s favourite through the years he had known her – Mallory felt like it was almost a peace offering, but he had to admit that Tanner was better at the whole emotional care thing than he was, so he agreed to it anyway. 

Violet herself was led in the bed in exactly the same position she had been in since her parents had left. She wasn’t tired and yet moving anything sent all kinds of pain through her body, so no matter how bored it made her, her only option was to lie on her back and stare at the ceiling until she fell asleep. 

Quite unexpectedly, a nurse walked into her room and closed the door behind her, “Miss Ainsworth,” The nurse spoke, making a move to refill the cup of water that Violet couldn’t actually reach, “There are some people outside who have come to talk to you, do you feel up to that?” 

Violet tossed the idea of telling the nurse that the last thing she wanted to do was lie down and listen to more people tell them how sorry they were for what happened to her, but then realised how bored she was and how the prospect of spending more time just staring at the white walls really didn’t excite her, “Yeah, that’s fine.” Violet replied. 

The nurse smiled and left the room and violet waiting for a few seconds before the door reopened to reveal Tanner and a man she had never seen before. She smiled at Tanner who walked over and gave her a pat on the shoulder and took the seat closest to her, then she turned to the other man behind him. 

“Who are you?” She asked, trying to push herself up onto the pillows more to see him better, immediately regretting that choice as pain caused her to wince and give up. 

“Gareth Mallory.” The man spoke, extending his hand to squeeze hers in a form of handshake. 

“He’s your new boss.” Tanner explained as Violet looked at him for an explanation. 

Violet was taken back. She had known Olivia had been old but she had loved her job and done a pretty good one as far as Violet had been aware, surely she couldn’t have retired yet? 

“Where’s Olivia?” Violet asked as Gareth sat down in the chair next to Tanner. 

The two men looked at each other, Gareth decided to speak first, “She was killed in the field,” He said simply, “She and Bond got caught up in some nasty stuff a few months after you were taken. She was injured and there was nothing that could have been done.” 

Violet couldn’t actually believe that Olivia was gone. She had been the main reason Violet had wanted to be an agent in the first place. A woman at the head of MI6 was inexplicably exciting to Violet and working under her command had been an honour. But now some stuffy man was in her place and Violet couldn’t say she was pleased. 

“Before we go any further,” Gareth said, pulling something out of his pocket, handing it to Violet, “Four years is a long time to go without something you love.” Violet lifted up the chocolate bar and felt a small smile fall upon her lips, okay, so maybe he wasn’t so bad. 

Tanner took the bar from her and opened it before giving her a square of the chocolate. Violet held it in her mouth and let it melt slowly, savouring the sweetness of it. Four years of tasteless food had been horrendous for her – she had almost forgotten what anything had tasted like – but this right here was bliss. 

“We’re not here to debrief just yet, we’ll do that back at 6 when you get out,” Tanner said, getting the formalities out of the way, “We just wanted to drop by and fill you in on what you’ve missed really.” 

Violet nodded in the small way she could and tried to shuffle up the pillows again, feeling completely helpless when the pain took over once again. She was thankful when Tanner noticed that she was struggling and helped her into a better position as quickly as he could to avoid too much pain. Violet was grateful for the new position. 

“There’s been a merger with MI5 since you were gone, we share intelligence now and work more closely with each other, which has been as stressful as it sounds,” Tanner began, “Bond went slightly AWOL about a year ago, but then we were being played from all angles at that point.” 

“What do you mean?” Violet asked, realising that her throat was dry, “You couldn’t pass me that water could you?” She asked. Gareth stood up and got the cup for her, holding the cup and straw so she could sip it slowly as tanner continued speaking. 

“We had a very short run-in with the joint security service, run by Max Denbigh who is no longer with us, his strings were being pulled by someone from Bond’s past and his big idea of Nine Eyes, which was an idea for our intelligence to be shared by other countries and vice-versa, thankfully we managed to stop it all before it all went online and apprehend everyone involved, but it was looking quite hairy for a while.” 

Violet thanked Gareth for the water, “So nothing new then?” Violet gave a small smile. 

For the next hour or so, Gareth and Tanner filled Violet in on what she had missed before leaving her to sleep. She had smiled as the two had left her room but as soon as the door had closed she felt emotion fill her. Olivia was dead, everything was changing with the merger between 5 and 6, It sounded to Violet like the threats were different now and she couldn’t begin to imagine the amount that technology had changed. As happy as she was to be free now, she knew getting used to the new world was going to be hard and she wasn’t really sure how she was going to fit into it all. 

*** 

It was 10:30 before Gareth made it home. He had opted to walk from the hospital to his apartment for no other reason than that it wasn’t raining and he didn’t feel he got enough fresh air these days. When he walked in through the door and flicked on the light, he let out a sigh he hadn’t realised he was holding and made a beeline for the scotch in the living room. 

After drinking one shot, he poured a more full glass, took of his tie and undid the top few buttons of his shirt. He ran a hand over his face as he let his mind wander back to Violet, imagining her sleeping in her hospital bed. He had been over-come with a little pity when he had seen her. He could tell by her face that she was in pain, she looked very thin and he could see different shaped bruises all over her arms. He couldn’t begin to think about what she had been put through during those 4 years, and found himself actually not wanting to know. He had seen the brutality that Islamic extremist groups could employ and the last thing he wanted to do when he was trying to relax of an evening was think about what they had done to Violet. 

Gareth gave up on the glass of scotch, leaving it on the coffee table before going to bed. For the first time in a long time he struggled to sleep that night. Thoughts of Violet and her time in captivity brought up less-than-welcome memories of his own time as a hostage. The last time Gareth looked at the clock it had just turned 3am before he fell into a fitful sleep, only to be woken 3 hours later by the obnoxious alarm. Today would be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! I promise things will pick up in the next few chapters! This story is taking a lot of planning because it's possibly the most complicated thing I've ever written! Let me know what you all think!


	3. I was in Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter! 
> 
> Just a warning that there are descriptions of torture in this chapter!

It took two weeks for the hospital to discharge Violet. She hadn’t seen anyone but her parents since the evening that Tanner and Gareth had come to speak to her, which she had expected. Protecting the country took a lot of time and effort after all. Violet had refused to let her parents be the ones to pick her up and take her back to her apartment – all they had done every time they had visited her in the hospital was fuss over her, and although Violet was very thankful that they cared so dearly for her, she was never one that had dealt well with being constantly worried over. She had therefore asked the nurse to contact Tanner and ask him to be the one to escort her home. 

As always, he was perfectly punctual, walking through the hospital room door at bang on 2:30pm. She smiled as he embraced her in a quick hug before helping her up from the bed that she was perched on. Although she was getting better, Violet was still finding it hard to sit down, stand up and walk without being in pain, so she was grateful when Tanner hooked his arm around her waist to help her walk through the hospital corridors to the same black car that had brought her here two weeks prior.

Violet felt her smile on her face as the car pulled to a stop outside of the building that held her apartment. She had spent years making it the home she had always dreamed of having in the city and she couldn’t put into the words the utter joy she felt than in just a few minutes she would be truly home. 

Nothing had changed in the apartment – it looked like it hadn’t been touched in the four years she had been away. Even the book she had left remained open and face-down as if she would have returned after what should have been the relatively short mission. 

“Mallory had someone come and clean all the dust up,” Tanner spoke, leading Violet through to the kitchen, “And made sure you had the basics here.” 

Violet opened the fridge and found milk, butter, cheese and a few other things she could use to make herself some food. There was a tin of instant coffee, along with sugar and her favourite Tetley tea bags. There were packets of noodles and pasta in one cupboard and a fresh loaf of bread sat on one of the sides in the kitchen as well. 

“Tell him I said thank you.” Violet spoke, leaning against the kitchen worktop. 

Tanner fiddled around in his pocket and handed her the keys he had used to get into the apartment and handed them over to her, “I’ll leave you to it then Vi,” Tanner spoke, using the nickname she usually hated, there was just something about Tanner that she couldn’t be mad about. “Mallory wants you to come in for the official debrief tomorrow, he knows it’ll be hard but it’s better to get it done now whilst your memory is somewhat fresh.” 

Violet nodded, knowing that she couldn’t put the debrief off forever, Tanner was right, the sooner she did it, the sooner it would be over and she could start putting the memories behind her to move on. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning then, Tanner.” She smiled. 

“I’ll send a car.” He replied before giving her a quick hug and leaving her.

Violet wandered around the apartment she had so loved before she had left. At the first glance it hadn’t looked like anything had changed, but Violet was a sucker for close detail and where there had been half burned candles there were now brand new ones in scents Violet couldn’t stand and new sheets on her bed in a colour that didn’t match the soft pastel colour scheme she had worked into the room. She was eternally grateful that Gareth had thought to make sure it was ready to live in when she came back, but it felt a little like actually she didn’t even know the place anymore. 

She sat quietly on the bed for what felt like hours, listening to the sounds of London that she used to love. The cars, and the planes overhead and the constant chatter of people passing down below the window. After all the years of silence when she was alone, it was almost deafening and Violet wasn’t sure she would ever get used to it again. 

*** 

Violet hadn’t slept a wink. She had tossed and turned all night and eventually given up any hope of getting sleep at around 4am, opting instead to make herself the strongest cup of coffee she had ever consumed in her life and curl up on the sofa to finish one of the books she had left before she had gone. Finding that she couldn’t actually concentrate on any of the words, she opted for turning on the large TV that her uncle had insisted on buying her as a moving in gift. She punched in the only channel she knew would still be showing anything worthwhile, the 24 hour news. Violet had always loved keeping up with whatever was going on in the world, and found that the headlines that zipped across the bottom of the screen hadn’t really changed that much in her 4 years away. Something about broken promises by politicians that had enraged the country, the death of someone famous that Violet didn’t actually know, a suicide bomb attack in a Middle East city and something to do with American politics that Violet didn’t understand. 

When the clock on the wall hit 7:30 Violet could no longer sit and watch the same series of news stories on repeat so she shut it off and went to get ready. For 20 minutes Violet stood in her bathroom naked, staring at the shower, trying to fight her mind and step into the shower. The last time Violet had experienced water on her own, it had been thrown on her face in order to try and make her talk. Violet shook her head and turned on the shower, only to shut it off once again as some stray drops splashed from her arm and onto her face. She angrily grabbed the towel that she had placed on the edge of the bath and wrapped it around herself before plonking herself on the floor to gather her breathing. She put her face in her hands and pressed her palms into her eyes to try and get rid of the images of men looming over her body, screaming at her in thick accented English.   
Once Violet’s breathing and mind had returned somewhat to normal, she gave herself a quick sponge wash, not entirely different to the ones she had received whilst in hospital before walking to her room. She opened her bedroom window to let in some fresh air before picking out something to wear. Violet decided on a loose fitting black dress, hoping that the soft fabric wouldn’t irritate her still delicate ribs. 

She sighed deeply at her appearance in the mirror of her vanity table. She had huge dark circles under her eyes from years of sleep deprivation. There was an angry red scar above her left eyebrow that had been stitched up at the hospital and three small purple bruises on her jaw line. She rooted through the drawers until she found the small make-up bag that held her concealers and powders that she had worn on a daily basis. Once she had put on enough products to hide the bruises and somewhat dull the redness of the scar above her eyebrow she closed the window and went to the kitchen to fix breakfast. The clock on the wall told Violet it was just past 9am and if she knew Tanner at all, the car would be here within the next hour – he had always been one to prefer getting things done in the morning. 

Violet quickly put a piece of bread in the toaster and gathered the butter from the fridge. She placed the butter next to the toaster, hoping to warm it up a little to make it easier to spread. She searched through the cupboards before finding three different jars of jam. She smiled as she found that her favourite flavour was among them. When the toaster popped, Violet quickly buttered the slice before leaving it to cool. If there was one thing she had always hated, it was the way the butter would mix with the jam if she spread it on whilst the slice was too hot. When the time came, Violet spread a thick layer of blueberry jam all over the slice before putting everything away from whence it had come.   
Once Violet had taken the first bite of her toast she sighed a smiled as the sweet taste fell across her tongue. She hadn’t realised how much she had missed the sweet things in life. The chocolate bar that Mallory had given her in the hospital had lasted 5 days – one square for each day because the sweetness was too good to enjoy all at once. Violet took her time finishing the slice of toast and had barely swallowed the last bite when there was a knock at the door. Violet quickly grabbed the key to the flat and left her apartment, locking it and checking it at least twice before following the driver down the stairs and into the black car waiting for her. 

*** 

Violet was pleased to find out that although MI6 was now in a completely different place, once she was inside, very little had changed. The intelligence officers were working away on their computers, other people were milling about with files in their hands. Tanner gave Violet a quick hug when he spotted her standing awkwardly at the door before leading her through the workers through a door. Violet was knocked for six when she saw Eve Moneypenny sat behind the desk. The last time she’d seen Eve she had been leaving on a mission. 

“Violet,” Eve smiled, giving her a look of pity when she saw the bruises over Violet’s arms that she hadn’t bothered to cover – she would wear them with pride, a sign of what she had been through, “It’s so good to finally see you back here.” 

“Thank you Eve,” Violet spoke quietly, “As for you, I never pegged you for desk work.” 

Eve laughed, “I’m sure someone will fill you in on why soon enough, but surprisingly I’m finding it suits me.” 

The door behind the girls opened and Violet turned to see Mallory stood with his hands in his pockets. Violet gave Eve’s arm a squeeze with the promise of a catch up soon before following Mallory into his office.

“Please, take a seat Miss Ainsworth,” He spoke, walking over to a large antique looking cabinet, “Can I get you a drink?” 

Violet hummed a reply before sitting down in the chair in front of his large desk. Within second Gareth had shoved a rather lovely glass of scotch into her hands before sitting down in his respective seat. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked. 

“Sore.” Violet replied quietly, taking a sip of the amber liquid in the glass. 

“That’s to be expected,” Mallory spoke, “I know it’s probably not what you want to talk about this but we need to speak about what happened to you.” 

“I understand,” Violet replied, “But most of it is a blur.” 

“In time we’ll hopefully sort that out,” Violet raised her eyebrow at his comment, “We’ll have you speak to someone on the medical team to see if they can advise on anything.” 

“I’m not some mystery to be unlocked thank you very much.” Violet spoke, looking her superior straight in the eye. 

“I know you aren’t Violet,” Gareth softened, “But there could be information we need that your mind had pushed back and we cannot afford to take the risk in not knowing something that could be vital to national security.” 

Violet sat quietly for a few seconds before running a hand over her face, “I know, I’m sorry.” 

Gareth Mallory smiled softly at the young girl in front of him. She looked truly battered and bruised. The scar above her eyebrow looked particularly severe and the smattering of bruises over her arms and collarbones would give anyone reason to question where they had come from. And despite her best efforts, there were still hints of dark circles under her eyes. 

“Before we start digging into what happened to you over the last four years, I need you to tell me how you managed to get caught.” 

“Didn’t 008 tell you all when he got back?” Violet asked, watching intently as she swirled the liquor in her glass. 

“He was decommissioned as soon as he got back and any opportunity to get him to talk proved rather futile,” Mallory spoke shortly, “And even if he had, we’d need to cross check his answer with yours anyway.” 

“Well, it was all going so well to begin with,” Violet sighed, suddenly feeling a throbbing in her temples as she recalled her experience in Syria, “We’d located the compound and managed to get both of the journalists out before someone realised something was going on, myself and 008 grabbed the journalists and began running when the guys in the compound began shooting. I made the stupid decision to stop and fire back, I thought if I could give them something to fire at they would leave the others alone. 008 realised what I was doing and screamed the two women to run to the helicopter. He tried to get me to go with them but I refused to let up shooting until the two girls were in the helicopter safe. Which turned out to be my undoing because before I knew it, someone had grabbed me and was pulling me away. All 008 could do was turn and run from me. I was screaming and struggling and trying my best to get away. The last thing I remember was 008 looking back before getting into the helicopter. I think whoever had hold of me hit me in the head with the butt of his gun because I was out cold for hours and I’ve got this lump on the back of my head that actually won’t go.” She ran her fingers over the bump that was covered by her hair. 

Mallory expected that this was a rather brief explanation of what had actually happened to Violet. He was going to ask her a little about the torture she had endured but he looked into her eyes and realised that maybe it wasn’t the best idea to press her right now. He had remembered someone had continuously pressed him once he’d been rescued from his hostage situation. How he’d wanted to just forget about it all at that time. Mallory had enough notes to be going on with at the point, and he could only imagine once Violet started speaking to the psychologist that he would get more to work with. 

“I won’t ask you too much today Violet,” Mallory spoke, “It can be hard to talk about it all at once so we’ll leave it at that for now.” 

Violet smiled, thankful that he wasn’t going to start probing her mind, “Can I ask you something?” Violet spoke quietly, placing the almost untouched glass of liquor on his desk.

“Of course.” 

“Are they okay?” Violet asked, “The two girls, I mean.” 

Mallory took a few second to process the question before answering, “I believe so,” Mallory spoke, “I think they both still work at war reporters.” 

Violet was glad their brief experiences hadn’t hindered their lives and she could only hope that her torture would eventually fade and allow her to at least take a shower without panicking. 

“Before you go,” Mallory began, “I’ve taken the liberty of getting you a phone,” He handed her the device which she recognised to be an iPhone – although far bigger than the one she had used before she had been captured, “It’s got all the important numbers in it, Tanner, Eve, myself and even Bond, who requested to be put in there.”   
Violet smiled and took the charger for the phone from his hands as well. 

“If you need anything, don’t be afraid to phone one of us, I know not all of us will understand how hard things are for you right now, but we’re all very willing to help with whatever you need.” 

“Thank you, Gareth.” Violet smiled, before leaving his office. 

Gareth sighed before downing the liquor the Violet had barely touched, trying to shake his mind from focusing on how good his name had sounded in her quiet voice. 

*** 

Violet let a high pitched scream leave her lips as she shot up in bed. Her skin was covered in a thick layer of sweat, the sheets covering her malnourished body were soaking wet, along with the silk night dress she had opted to sleep in. Violet pushed off the covers violently wanting to get the extra weight off her body. She stumbled to the window and threw it open, pushing her sweat-soaked fringe from her forehead to cool herself down. As she cooled, she felt the shakes begin. She hadn’t had a nightmare since she was a very little girl, but she found quite quickly that the aftermath didn’t change much, whether you were dreaming about the purple monster in your wardrobe or four men torturing you in a dark room. 

Without thinking, Violet took the phone that Gareth had given her earlier that day and pressed call on the first contact her finger came to. She held the phone to her ear as the tears fell from her eyes and her breathing continued hitching in her throat. 

The ringing in her ear ceased and she heard someone scrabbling around on the other end before they spoke, “Hello?” Of course. Gareth Mallory. 

“Oh my god,” Violet breathed, feeling more tears begin to fall, “I’m so sorry Sir.” 

“Hey Violet,” He cooed down the phone, “it’s okay, is everything alright?” She could sense the worry in his voice and felt even worse for calling him. 

“Not really,” She tried to take a deep breath but her chest was tight and her crying wasn’t helping anything, “I had a nightmare and didn’t know what to do.” 

Violet could hear sheets moving at the other end of the phone, meaning she had probably woken him up, “Will you be alright for a few minutes?” He asked. 

Violet made a small replied that sounded much like a yes and just like that the phone call was ended, leaving Violet on her own once more. She rubbed at her eyes violently, trying to get her tears to stop but it didn’t matter what she did, she couldn’t calm herself down. The images of her dream kept coming back to her, making her shake uncontrollably. She visibly jumped when there was an urgent knock at her front door. She looked through the eyehole and almost cried with happiness when it was Gareth Mallory stood outside. She opened the door and practically fell into his arms. 

Gareth was slightly taken back but wrapped his arms around her none-the-less. She felt freezing cold and he could feel that her skin was damp. Once Violet pulled herself from his grip he took one look at her and knew he would be in for a long night. He closed Violet’s door behind him before following her through to her bedroom.   
“Have you got something else to change into?” He asked, looking at the damp patches on the bed. 

“Excuse me?” Violet spoke softly. 

“Pyjamas, so that I can wash that with your bedding?” 

“Oh,” Violet said, not really understanding why she hadn’t got his meaning before, “You don’t have to do that for me.” She spoke, pulling out another night dress she could wear.

Mallory stripped the bed of the sweat-soaked sheets and told Violet to bring the other night dress to him once she had changed. Once he had the washing on, he helped Violet make her bed with new sheets and helped her into bed. Mallory himself pulled the large chair that Violet had sat in that morning to put her make-up on towards the edge of the bed before settling himself into it. 

“What are you doing?” Violet asked, lying down on her side so she could look at him. 

“I’m sitting down, what does it look like I’m doing?” Mallory gave a small smile, trying to make Violet laugh but failing rather miserably. 

“You don’t have to do this Gareth.” 

“With all due respect Violet, you called me at 2am in complete meltdown, I’m not leaving you on your own after that.” 

Violet considered herself thoroughly told, and shifted around in her large bed to try and get comfortable. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Mallory asked softly. 

Violet thought for a few moments. Normally she would choose to push bad memories to the back of her mind, but maybe that was the problem, maybe if she spoke about what was the matter, it would make things just a little better. 

“I was on my back on this metal table,” She spoke softly, welcoming the small breeze that blew through the window, “And the men who captured me were taking turns trying to get me to talk. But it was different to what it was actually like, they didn’t just beat me for my knowledge, they had knives and other sharp objects and when I wouldn’t talk, they would cut my skin.” Violet felt herself shiver, feeling imaginary knives running over her skin. 

Mallory leaned forward and pressed a hand to her arm, running his thumb over her skin to soothe her, “It’s okay Violet,” He cooed, “You know you’re safe now and nothing like that will happen again if I can possibly help it.” 

Violet didn’t know why but she felt soothed and comforted by Gareth’s words – like he knew what she was going through more than any medical professional ever could. She smiled briefly at him before closing her eyes. The lack of sleep the night before had really caught up on her and she knew she had to at least try to get more sleep. Gareth was there if she did have another nightmare. Violet softly drifted back into a fitful sleep with the heaviness of Gareth’s hand on her arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was longer than I expected it to turn out! Please let me know if you'd rather have shorter chapters and I'll see what I can do! 
> 
> Also, please let me know what you think about it!


	4. I'm still breathing

Violet was woken up by soft breeze blowing over her face. She opened her eyes and was met with an empty chair in front of her. The soft light of the early morning sun drifted through her curtains and made Violet feel somewhat peaceful. She pushed herself up into a sitting position on the bed and ran a hand over her torso and stopped. She hadn’t remember going to bed in her silk nightdress. That’s when all the memories flooded back to her. Waking up screaming, blindly dialling the first number in her phone, having Mallory come over and spend god knows how long sat watching her sleep before he left. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She had been lucky not to have another nightmare and had managed to get just enough sleep to be able to function through the day. She quickly glanced at the clock on the wall in front of her. 7:10. 

As she got out of bed, Violet heard shuffling from outside her bedroom door that was slightly ajar. So maybe Mallory hadn’t left, maybe he was still shuffling around her apartment. However, Violet’s mind went straight to the extreme option of what the noise could be, just like it had done every time she heard a noise that was out of the ordinary during her captivity, and bolted from her bed to attack the intruder in her home. Violet could hear plates being moved around and wondered briefly what a burglar would want with the cheap crockery she had bought when money was tight when she first moved to London. 

Violet prepared herself to storm into the room and take the intruder round the neck when the person in question started humming softly. The colour drained from Violet’s face. A burglar wouldn’t hum. She gently pushed the kitchen door open and saw Mallory pottering around the kitchen. She leant against the doorjamb and smiled when he noticed her. 

“I hope you like eggs.” He spoke, depositing a boiled egg from a pan of boiling water onto a shot glass that Violet had forgotten she owned. 

“You didn’t have to make me breakfast.” She spoke softly, sitting herself in front of the plate Mallory had put down on the breakfast island. 

“It felt wrong to just get up and leave you.” He replied, turning away quickly to butter two slices of toast that popped from the toaster as Violet hit the top of the egg with the small teaspoon next to the shot glass that was doing fine work as an egg cup, “Tea or coffee?” Gareth asked as he passed her a small plate of toast. 

“Tea please.” Violet replied, breaking off a crust of toast to dip into the yolk of her egg. 

Whilst Mallory made Violet’s tea she couldn’t help but finally take a moment to look at him. His features look weathered. Violet put that down to years of stress. She couldn’t help but wonder what he had looked like when he had taken the helm at 6. Being the boss of such an establishment could only age you. Violet could see a hint of chest hair where Mallory had lost the tie and undone a few buttons. His shirt sleeves rolled up his arms to reveal hands that she could only imagine had seen years of service. Violet visibly gasped as he turned away – quickly averting her gaze so he didn’t catch her looking him up and down. 

“There you go.” He smiled, giving Violet her mug of tea, before leaning against the side to drink his own. 

He watched as Violet nodded in thanks and went back to eating her egg. Gareth had to stop himself from staring, but it was so damn hard. Her hair was a dusty blonde colour and was long from the years she had spent in a cell. It was thick and fell in beautiful ringed curls. He had always been a sucker for long hair. Her skin was pale as a sheet, but in a milky way. She was very thin, but that’s what years of mistreatment did to you. He could only imagine what she would look like with some meat back on her bone. Mallory sipped his tea as he watched her eat her toast. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her tongue dart out between her lips to catch the orange yolk of the egg that threatened to drip down her chin. She bit her bottom lip as her eyes moved to meet his. Before he could say anything he was shocked by the colour of them. Bright, vivid green. He cleared his throat before talking. 

“How would you feel about coming into 6 to speak to the psychologist?” He asked. 

Violet sighed and put down the toast she was enjoying. She hadn’t really wanted to admit she needed help, it wasn’t in her nature. She had always been a stiff upper lip kind of girl but the fact she couldn’t take a shower and had called her boss in the middle of the night after waking up from a nightmare would suggest otherwise. She sipped her tea. 

“Do I have a choice?” She asked, looking up at him over her mug. 

“You always have a choice Violet,” He replied, “If you don’t want to do it now then that’s fine, but I know the longer you leave it, the harder it’s going to be to admit you actually need the help and in the end, you’ll need it more than you realise.” 

The man knew what he was talking about, Violet had to give him that much. She scooped the last of her egg yolk up with her remaining toast and popped it into her mouth. She drained the last of her tea and ran her hands through her hair but remained silent, not looking at Gareth. 

“I know it seems scary Violet, to admit to a stranger that you’re not okay, but I promise if you talk about it to someone, you’ll start feeling better, and I can go back to sleeping in my bed without waking up with a crick in the neck.” 

Violet laughed at that and begrudgingly looked at him, “I’ve never needed to admit to needing help Gareth,” She spoke quietly, “I don’t like how it feels.” 

“No-one does Violet, I can assure you that,” He drained his own tea, “How about you talk to the psychologist just once and then decide if you want to continue.” 

Violet nodded in agreement, knowing deep down inside that this man in front of her, who hardly knew her, was indeed right. And of course, what was the worst that could happen at the end of it all? 

*** 

Violet shifted in the seat opposite the gruff looking man. She moved the material of the loose fitting dress she had opted for in a rush to leave with Gareth that morning. Her ribs and sides were still a little tender so the loose material of the dress, no matter how casual and out of place it made her look in the suit and tie encrusted world of MI6, was comfortable for her. The man had sat opposite her and picked her brain apart slowly for the best part of forty-five minutes. It had nothing but make Violet feel worse. He had wanted to know the ins and outs of exactly what had happened to her in her cell, even when she insisted her memory was hazy, he pushed through to the point where he needed to push the box of tissues in front of her to dry her tears of frustration more than anything. Once they were done, he insisted they make another appointment, claiming that frequent visits would help her in the long run. Violet did nothing but refuse to see him again. He sighed and instead scribbled something onto a notepad and thrust it into her hands as she all but bolted from his office. 

Violet shoved the paper into the pocket of her dress without looking at it and walked the 10 minutes to Gareth’s office. When she arrived, Eve looked up at her and smiled. 

“He’s not here at the moment, he had to go to a last minute meeting, is it urgent?” 

“No, just tell him when he comes back that I’m not going again, he’ll know what I’m talking about.” 

Eve nodded in understanding but didn’t go back to her work, “What are you doing tonight Vi?” 

“Sitting in my apartment feeling sorry for myself most probably, why?” 

“Well, since we’ve not actually spoken to you in over four years, I was thinking I could pick up some pizza after work and come and see you?” 

Violet was slightly taken aback, but pleasurably so. The only visitors she had had since coming back to the UK had been ones who felt sorry for her or needed to help her. Eve just wanted to sit down and talk over pizza, which sounded almost completely normal to Violet. 

“I’d like that,” Violet replied, “Shall we say seven?” 

“Sounds like a plan, any preferences for pizza?” 

“As long as it doesn’t have mushrooms or olives on it, I’m golden.” 

Eve chuckled and waved at Violet as she left, struck that the blonde woman she had once known was nowhere to be found. Of course 4 years of captivity must have changed her, but it looked to Eve like the Violet she had known was thoroughly gone. She could only hope that over the next few months, the girl would continue to go to therapy and would become the excellent agent and friend she had once known. 

*** 

Violet fished into the pockets of her dress and pulled out the key to her apartment but also pulling out the paper that the psychologist had pushed into her hands before she made her hasty exit from his office. She opened the crumpled paper and read it. It was a prescription for some kind of drug she couldn’t, not wanted to be able to, pronounce. She sighed and let her head come to rest against her front door. She didn’t care that passers-by would be staring at her. 

Whatever it was that was written down here was obviously meant to help her. She had refused to see the man again, so she could only assume that this drug written in front of her would be the replacement for a therapist. Without thinking, Violet pocketed her keys and set off to the nearest pharmacist. It wouldn’t hurt to have the pills in the house, even if she didn’t take them. 

*** 

Ten minutes later than discussed Eve rapped on Violet’s door with her foot, arms full of pizza boxed a bottles of virgin cocktails. Eve didn’t know what Violet would be like if she had a glass of wine, deciding she didn’t want to find out, she’d opted for the non-alcoholic pre-mixes of fruity mixes. She could at least pretend. 

The two women spent most of the evening eating the pizza that Eve had so expertly chosen from a small Italian bistro a few streets away, and sipping on their fruity drinks, talking about nothing in particular. Violet learned that Eve was currently seeing a rather strapping young man and had taken the desk job after ‘killing’ Bond on the mission that would eventually kill Olivia. She caught Violet up on all the TV she had missed. It had been their go-to topic when working together. Apparently Violet needed to keep an eye out for The Night Manager, which excited Violet more than she cared to admit. She loved John Le Carre novels, The Night Manager being her favourite. 

As the time ticket away, Violet felt herself itching to ask about the man who had been in her flat the night previous. She realised she actually knew very little about her boss, other than he knew exactly what he was talking about. Mostly anyway. 

“So, what’s Mallory like?” Violet asked, trying to be as casual as she possibly could. 

“Well, he’s doing the best he can in the face of adversary.” Eve replied.

“Oh, how so?” Violet asked, raising her eyebrow. 

“Well, the merger with MI5 was stressful, swapping intelligence officers, moving offices, everything that happened with Nine Eyes, it’s been a hard four years for him, but he’s taken it all in his stride,” Eve finished the small amount of her drink that was left in her glass, “No-one really thought he could live up to Olivia’s legacy, and in a way, he hasn’t, he’s made his own.” 

Violet listened intently to Eve’s words, “Is he nice?” She asked, really already knowing the answer. Of course he was nice. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have stayed with her last night.

“He has the tendency to look stern, but I’m one for thinking he’s got a bit of a soft side underneath it all,” Eve spoke, looking at her watch, “I think I should probably make a move if I have to be in tomorrow.” 

Violet walked with Eve to the front door and watched as she slipped her coat back on, “You know Vi, you’ve never been very good at hiding your emotions,” Her breath caught in her throat, “He’s a good man and you should take his advice, he knows how even the best agents need time. Even 007.”

*** 

Violet led in bed that night tossing and turning before picking up the phone. She was scared to go to sleep in case she had another nightmare. The empty chair that had been filled last night was also causing her concern. Violet found that she was intrigued by Gareth Mallory. He barely knew her, other than what had been written in the files that Tanner had undoubtedly forced him to read. And she barely knew him. But she almost didn’t care. Violet’s intuition had served her well in the few years she had been a 00-agent and she didn’t think it would fail her now. There was just something about Gareth Mallory. 

*** 

Mallory had been lying in bed expecting the phone to ring. His heart jumped a beat when the screen told him it was exactly who he wanted it to be as well. He picked it up quickly.   
“Violet, are you okay?” He asked, listening for signs of distress at the other end. 

“I’m fine sir,” She replied, “I just wanted to hear a familiar voice before I went to sleep.” 

He looked briefly at the clock, just gone eleven, “How was your appointment?” He asked, wanting to know from her what had happened, instead of the cryptic message from Eve. 

“Awful,” Violet said quietly, “He wouldn’t take no for an answer, even when I told him I couldn’t remember, which I can’t, he pushed and pushed.” 

“I’m sorry Violet,” Gareth spoke, “I thought it would help.” 

“If I could remember what he wanted me to tell him, maybe it would, it’s just these damn lapses in everything.” 

The admission of memory lapses were new to Gareth and he made a mental note to get Tanner onto it in the morning. 

“It gets better, I promise,” He said, “You’ll find when you get back to normal life the lapses in memory might come back to you.” 

There was silence at the end of the phone for a few moments before Violet’s voice came back to him, “Thank you.” She said simply. He could hear in her voice that she was vulnerable, something he couldn’t equate to the girl he had read about in her files leading up to her capture. But torture did horrible things to people. 

“It’s alright Violet, why don’t you try and sleep, I’m just at the other end of the phone if you need me.” 

He heard her sniffle before reply, “Goodnight Gareth.” 

“Goodnight Violet.” He spoke before ending the call, falling to his pillows. 

His mind imagined her lying down, wiping the stray tears that she was crying before falling into a fitful sleep. Gareth couldn’t help but think about how much he wanted to help her. Not fix her, but help her get better. He rubbed his eyes before trying to sleep himself, with one thought before he drifted off. He was certainly getting in too deep for his liking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to get an update up! I'm in the last few months of my degree and had my dissertation due around this time. All that's done now - so hopefully new chapters will be quicker to appear! Let me know what you guys think! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Getting back into writing by contributing to the very little Mallory/OFC fics out there! Hopefully you all enjoy! I'd really love to hear what you think!


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